Wednesday to Thursday

I woke up and went to work. As soon as I got out of my car I realized I had forgotten to bring my tax information and I needed it for a meeting with my financial aid adviser. I think Chip and Kyla will need to get loans this coming semester. Now when my break comes I have to leave earlier and waste gas and vacation time running home to get it. I had been looking for my daughters W2 as well, but then she said on Tuesday she was quitting college. I decided to use the extra time driving home to call my parents. That was going well but while at the house the dog tries to jump in the car and in keeping him out I hit myself in the head with the corner of the car door. It draws a little blood, then makes a big knot and bruise. When I get to the college for the appointment, I see my husband right before his class and my meeting. He takes this time to tell me that he has talked to his mother and after this semester he will be quitting college and going back to work full time somewhere, maybe the prison. I admit, I kind of freaked out. I am afraid he is going to feel like college is another thing he has "failed" if he doesn't finish. He's insanely hard on himself and counts too many things as failures already. I don't care about the money. I care about him being happy. But I also don't believe his mother wants him to quit. She's just worried about how we are going to get through it. So now my meeting is pretty pointless. But the guy does use that time to tell me I need a back up plan because it's hard to get in the PTA program. Then I walk outside and a classmate tells me I don't look as sharp as usual. Back at the office, my boss has been out for awhile with a family emergency and the stress is starting to pile up. I have a headache, take a bunch of medicine and then become nauseous. My friends are all worried I have a concussion. I am actually a little worried too but feel pretty stupid about it. Then I realize I am out of cereal. (Luckily, Chip brings me some and avoids a total melt-down.) Then, Thursday comes. My best friend gets me a fitbit zip that I have really been wanting. Another best friend does my makeup before I leave for school so I will look sharp. Another one brings me Joyce Meyer CD's about how to deal with emotional stress. My boss pays me for taking his daughter to work even though I told him not too. Another nice talk with my parents. Chip is lovely all day as usual. Trace and I laughed a lot as usual. Kyla came by the office and then called after she got off work. Another friend helped her with her resume. Had a nice conversation with my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law. Didn't study for my test and still made a C. All in all a really nice day. :)

My daughter has moved out.

She graduated high school. Then got an apartment and moved out. With her best friend and boyfriend who are also brother and sister. Normally, I am really good at handling emotional stuff. I mean really good. And intellectually, I am ok. She is doing great... going to college, paying her own bills, getting along with roommates, etc. But emotionally, every time I am around her and she leaves, I cry. Now you have to know that I hardly ever cry. This is very, very unusual behavior for me. I just keep thinking, I want her to live here again. But most likely it's not going to happen. She just turned 19 on Oct 12. And she got engaged that day. I love the fiance. He's a really sweet guy. Somehow, it's just so upsetting. Every time I look at her I think about what she was like as a little girl. She's still like that in a lot of ways. Cuddly, sweet, dorky on purpose, hilarious, so so smart, intuitive, very silly... just perfect. And I want her to live here. Always. I want to be her immediate family. The people she comes home to and tells about her day. I don't want to share her with them. Even though I love them too. I keep trying to pretend I am ok. I don't know how many people I'm fooling. I keep wondering if it was like this for my mom or Chip's mom or everyone's mom. Or am I just a huge baby or maybe I love her more or maybe she is just more awesome than the rest of us. Then all the mom's that have already had all their kids move out nod knowingly and say "It's worse when the baby moves out." I expect it to be just as awful. But if it's worse, I don't know how I will get through. And I am crazy about my husband. I have been saying for years that we will be fine with the empty nest because we have so much fun together. I didn't know I would miss her like this.