PTA

One other thing today... I got my PTA license today. Well I got a letter saying my application has been initially approved and I have a license number and can go to work. Which I will do tomorrow. TOMORROW!!! I have been trying to let that sink in all day. Tomorrow I will go to work as a PTA. I will be paid double the amount for my time that I was paid at my last job (and it wasn't a bad job.) I will be working some in Jamestown, some in Monterey, some in Crossville and I will keep applying everywhere until eventually someone offers me a full time position with good pay. But for now, I get to bounce around and see what I like. Truly amazing.

Writing Prompts

I came across a thing on Pintrest... "25 Writing Prompts for the Bored Writer" and I thought... why  not?

1. What is your earliest memory. Well that is a toughy for several reasons. First of all, it's hard to distinguish which things I remember and what I have heard so many times that it feels like I remember. Second, I am not great with time in general so remembering which one actually came first is tough. I think though my first memory is eating grapes on a vine in the back yard on Scott Street. I don't remember who I was with and now that I've said it, it feels rather unlikely that it happened. Why would there be a grapevine in a neighborhood? Nonetheless, that's my memory.

In the Flow

Recently I messed up my hair. Also my chin keeps breaking out. I gained back the 5 pounds I lost. I still don't have a job. My husband is on 3rd shift and I don't see him enough. Also he is still drinking. And yet... everything is just so lovely.

 Do you ever just feel like you're "in the flow"? I looked that up. It's how I feel right now. And I remember thinking of it specifically that way since I was in high school. I wondered if it was a real thing so I Googled it. It is! According to Wikepedia... Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. I agree with that to some extent. But for me it also includes God.

It can be as simple as hanging out with my kids and thanking God for them. Riding my bike and marveling at nature. Getting in bed and feeling happy when my husband touches my foot with his. Laughing with my parents. Praise at my clinical that I will stand out as a therapist. Loving the people I run into during a day. Reading something spiritual that gives me an "aha" moment. Just an overall feeling that everything is good and working out just how it's supposed to. Thank you God.

And then the Brady's sing Sunshine Day.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaCCG7QkM_c

On track

Every now and then I have a moment of bliss where everything seems to be headed in the right direction. I am in one now. Chip has an interview for a job he really wants that could set him on a cool path. I feel like this semester's Neuro class is going to come easier for me than last semester's Kines. The kids seem happy. Parents are considering retiring in my town. I'm just going to savor it for a bit.

I need to go to a meeting

As I mentioned in the last post, I've been more meddly and co-dependent with more time. Well, now the anger is back. I got a beautiful knife for Christmas and have a list of people that I would like to sink it to the hilt in their thigh. When I was 21 and got pregnant, I changed my life. I wasn't ready to. I didn't think it was fair that everyone else got to keep acting stupid and I had to think about how everything I did would affect my child. But I still did it. Because I love my kids more than I love bullshit and it was the right damn thing to do. I became angry at everyone around me that didn't do the same when they had kids. Now that we are all middle aged, it's even harder not to get mad. WHAT THE HELL MAN?? Can you really not get it together? Do you never think of the possible consequences? Are you that selfish? Boys that had such sweet hearts grew up to be men that I thought were dumbasses. And I'm even harder on the women that didn't pull it together. Women should know better. I know. All this is crazy and very unhealthy. See you Monday Al-anon. UPDATE: I got an apology that took away the anger. Didn't make a meeting but have been reading my literature every day. Little by little I will root out co-dependency.

Christmas break

Oh thank goodness! I had about hit the wall. Everyone had really. We lost one person during the semester. That really sucked, we all loved her and she would've made a great therapist. But the other 19 people made it through... awful, scary finals and everything. So the intense stressful school part is half way done!! My family is probably way over it all by now. All I do is study or think/talk about school. I'm sure it gets old, but they have been really cool about it. My friends have been fantastic about keeping in touch but not making me feel bad for being busy. They have all been wonderful and I am blessed to have them in my life. I don't really have much to say today, just felt like since I had time I should post something. Christmas is coming and so are my parents. Chip is 6 months sober and has left Homestead school. Is trying to get on at the prison in Bledsoe county and maybe change his major to counselling or criminal justice. I have been more co-dependent with him since Christmas break started. Tracking his food, handing him a fitbit every time he takes it off, being a general pain in the ass. Same with Kyla, not completely taking over her school stuff, but reminding/nagging her about everything she needs to do. When I'm busy I am better at staying out of everyone's business. They probably aren't as sick of school as I think. haha. Trace keeps getting in trouble and getting grounded. I keep wondering if we are being too easy or too hard on him, same as I did when Kyla was this age. It's a damn fine line to walk between being so strict they rebel or so lenient they find it easy to go down a bad path. Just praying I don't do anything to mess him up too bad. I've been thinking of my cousin Steve recently. But instead of as my cousin, as someone's child. I keep thinking about my aunt Linda. How that must have felt. If Trace went down Steve's path, I don't know what would happen to me. All the worry, stress, heartbreak, guilt and self blame would be a lot to bear. This is another season in my life that seems to be teaching me more dependence on God. On a much lighter note, me and the kids did another Christmas project this year. It's my favorite so far.

PTA School

I am not usually someone that wishes their life away... but I really wish this year was over. We have just finished 3 weeks of class and it feels like 3 months. It is a roller coaster and I doubt I will post very many times this year. I am TIRED. I have NO TIME. But I have already learned some cool things and the year will be jam packed with that. My class is awesome. They are the sweetest bunch of people and I already genuinely love them all. We pray together. We help each other. We are bonded like we've been through boot camp or something. People are crying and talking about quitting almost every day. But we're going to get each other through. The teachers are all cool and helpful. Even Jason who we weren't sure about the first couple weeks. He punched Chad the second week! He frogged his arm showing us how you could make someone have too much tone. It was crazy! But he's alright too. So many more things to say, but don't have time. What I would give right now to have insurance just to get my ADD medicine.