I need to go to a meeting

As I mentioned in the last post, I've been more meddly and co-dependent with more time. Well, now the anger is back. I got a beautiful knife for Christmas and have a list of people that I would like to sink it to the hilt in their thigh. When I was 21 and got pregnant, I changed my life. I wasn't ready to. I didn't think it was fair that everyone else got to keep acting stupid and I had to think about how everything I did would affect my child. But I still did it. Because I love my kids more than I love bullshit and it was the right damn thing to do. I became angry at everyone around me that didn't do the same when they had kids. Now that we are all middle aged, it's even harder not to get mad. WHAT THE HELL MAN?? Can you really not get it together? Do you never think of the possible consequences? Are you that selfish? Boys that had such sweet hearts grew up to be men that I thought were dumbasses. And I'm even harder on the women that didn't pull it together. Women should know better. I know. All this is crazy and very unhealthy. See you Monday Al-anon. UPDATE: I got an apology that took away the anger. Didn't make a meeting but have been reading my literature every day. Little by little I will root out co-dependency.

Christmas break

Oh thank goodness! I had about hit the wall. Everyone had really. We lost one person during the semester. That really sucked, we all loved her and she would've made a great therapist. But the other 19 people made it through... awful, scary finals and everything. So the intense stressful school part is half way done!! My family is probably way over it all by now. All I do is study or think/talk about school. I'm sure it gets old, but they have been really cool about it. My friends have been fantastic about keeping in touch but not making me feel bad for being busy. They have all been wonderful and I am blessed to have them in my life. I don't really have much to say today, just felt like since I had time I should post something. Christmas is coming and so are my parents. Chip is 6 months sober and has left Homestead school. Is trying to get on at the prison in Bledsoe county and maybe change his major to counselling or criminal justice. I have been more co-dependent with him since Christmas break started. Tracking his food, handing him a fitbit every time he takes it off, being a general pain in the ass. Same with Kyla, not completely taking over her school stuff, but reminding/nagging her about everything she needs to do. When I'm busy I am better at staying out of everyone's business. They probably aren't as sick of school as I think. haha. Trace keeps getting in trouble and getting grounded. I keep wondering if we are being too easy or too hard on him, same as I did when Kyla was this age. It's a damn fine line to walk between being so strict they rebel or so lenient they find it easy to go down a bad path. Just praying I don't do anything to mess him up too bad. I've been thinking of my cousin Steve recently. But instead of as my cousin, as someone's child. I keep thinking about my aunt Linda. How that must have felt. If Trace went down Steve's path, I don't know what would happen to me. All the worry, stress, heartbreak, guilt and self blame would be a lot to bear. This is another season in my life that seems to be teaching me more dependence on God. On a much lighter note, me and the kids did another Christmas project this year. It's my favorite so far.