Meetings seem to make me angry

I love The Avengers. My favorite line of the whole movie is when David Banner says "My secret is I'm always angry." He says it to Tony Stark who has been bugging him trying to see how he is keeping the Hulk under control. The reason it's my favorite line is because it's me. I almost always look happy, nice, and calm. Mostly, I'm not. I don't know if pretending I'm not mad when I really am is people pleasing and dishonest or if it's just trying not to be a complete asshole 90% of the time. That's my problem in meetings so far too. I don't know where the lines are. Right now I am happier than I've been in awhile. Things at work are rolling off of me because, honestly I'm on my way out. I don't really have to get emotionally involved in anything. Chip is doing all the things they told him to do in recovery and other than being bored at the moment, he seems happy too. The kids seem good. I'm doing all the things they say I should be doing. (This blog is where I am currently journaling my feelings like I am supposed to.) But when I get in a meeting I get really pissed off. And the whole time the others are talking I think. "I don't know if I want this." I mean, rationally I know it's insane. I recommend this program to people all the time. If Chip stopped going I would be upset because I think it is important. I know intellectually that what they are saying is legit. I've read a lot of material and put a bunch of it into practice. I have had my own slogan for the past year "This doesn't concern me." that I say when I catch myself getting into someone else's business. I take care of myself, exercise, school, friends, etc. But when some nice lady talks about how someone in her life was a total jerk to her and she just detached and went on... I don't know. I guess I don't understand the difference in detaching and being a doormat. And being a doormat is not something I want to do. When I was in trouble as a teenager, my dad used to go on what I called "rants". Nobody likes being in trouble and I happen to always think I am right so I would get angry during these rants. My parents did not take kindly to back talking but they were big on grounding. So I had to just sit still and let him rant. I would look at mom when I was about to freak out and she would shake her head. In my heart, I was screaming every bad word I knew. I couldn't believe he didn't hear them sometimes. I made some internal vow then that when I was grown up I wouldn't just sit and take it when someone fussed at me. By God, I would say what was in my mind. Because, you're dramatic like that as a teenager. And bless Chip, I don't. Nobody else really talks to me like that. If Chip tries I blow up like crazy. Chip thinks it's cute for some reason, so it works for us. Ok, I stopped writing and went for a walk with my best friend. As I was telling her all this and how I have recently been super happy and without stress except I get angry at meetings. I'm not mad at Chip so I don't know where it's coming from. I don't want to share. And if I try to explain to them that I'm doing better than they think they give each other looks like "aw she's in denial." I actually find myself wishing I was an alcoholic instead of codependent. I drank hard, took ephedrine and acted out from the time I was 15-21. I still like to drink but I get really, really sick if I drink over 2 drinks. Sometimes I get Sudafed just for the ephedrine. I overeat a lot. I have addictive tendencies that I keep under control. I could technically say I'm an addict too. Why do I want to??? My friend said, "You don't like to appear vulnerable or weak." THAT'S IT!!! That's the key. I am getting angry in meetings because they make me feel vulnerable and weak and I don't like to do that. Bring on the next meeting.